Steven Marek

Steven Marek

Steven Marek

by Steve Marek on 01/18/14

When I am asked who am I, my response is first that little kid standing on the livingroom sofa staring directly into the reflections eyes in the large gold framed mirror hanging on the wall over the sofa. That is me, but I knew even then that was not all of me. Much of me was hiding deep within my eyes. It was also a difficult concept to believe that I did not exist beyond my big toe. Even as a child I identified with the spirit within and not so much the physical body.

So, who am I? The child deep within the staring eyes as I watch the suttle changes take place, year by year, around my first growing then aging body. But I am still no more, and no less the child standing on the livingroom sofa facing the gilded mirror.

It amazes me even today that I was an active thinker during my early days. I had the notion that I was the only living creature around. Everything else was an illusion that existed solely because I needed them in my vision. I am holding my mothers hand as we walk along the Petersburg, Virginia downtown streets. I surely believed that the stores around the corner and all their architectural features did not exist until I walked around the corner to see them. I share this concept with my older brother who smiles as he imagines all the little people building the stores behind the scenes before I turn the corner. But in my mind it was not this way, it was more like reality, things that are physically real, does not exist beyond my view.

I remember standing on the hump in the floorboard of the back seat of our 1954 Oldsmobile. My Mother drove as her friend and next door neighbor sat in the passenger seat. I stand to be on a equal head height as adults sit on the front seat. Long before I ever heard of reincarnation or discovered that some religions are based upon it, I, at age 4 was discussing the process of reincarnation with anyone who would listen.

Who am I? Is everyone like this or am I different in some way. I could not tell as most kids my age did not care to comment on the subject.

As time progressed I felt I had to give up thinking about reality existing solely for me as there were others in my life, and surely they were as real as I. My parents became social with West End Baptist Church and I was raised a "good" Christian. The family rarely missed Sunday School and the 11 AM service. To me and my siblings dismay, we also attended Sunday Training Union of Sunday night services. Soon we were also attending every Wednesday night as well. 

At age five, I remember telling people that angels in the Bible may have been aliens, visitors from another world with unique powers and abilities. If I am not ignored, I am told I am following the path to hell thinking like that and I should remain silent.

Not until my mid teens did I begin to question things I was taught in the Baptist Church. I disliked most that we are expected to cover our questions with a blanket of faith and simply believe. Also about that time there is a public controversy when members of the Christian Faith proclaim that Jews were destined for hell because they did not accept Jesus as Gods son and their personal savior. This really bothered me that my faith was so discriminatory when it believed that not only Jews, but members of all other religions of the world would never enter the gates of heaven. All simply because they adopted the religion of their culture just as I did. Eventually I began to proclaim to Christians and friends of other faiths that religions of the world is much like a dozen people seated around a large table. In the center of the table is placed a vase of flowers. Each member around the table is given a pencil and a piece of paper and asked to draw the vase of flowers in the center of the table. Although each member was viewing the same object, each had a different perspective and a different ability to draw. Simply because my drawing looks different than yours does not mean I am right and you are wrong. All of the religions of the world are referencing the same belief only through different perspectives. Later I heard the story of the Elephant and Five Blind Men. Each were asked to touch the elephant and describe it. Each touched a different part of the elephant and each description bore no resemblance to the other. We must understand this if we are ever to get along in this world.

In my twenties I want to figure out about these religions and began exploring different texts. But when I am twenty-seven I am told my health problems could prevent me from exiting my thirties. I feel a bit out of step but still believe the childhood belief that I will live forever, so I began my business career and kept busy ... until one day in my forty-ninth year.

One day in July 2001, I feel ill and sit up to head for the bathroom. I never made it and when the paramedics arrive I am clinically dead. I remember in the pitch black darkness there is a light over my shoulder, but I refuse to look at it as I think it might be beautiful and hypnotic and I am steadfast and refuse to die. Deep in the darkness is no stars or even dust reflecting the light behind me. It is the deepest pitch blackness I have ever seen. I remember it is scary and beautiful at the same time. Only later did I discover the scary panic was electrical shock from the paramedics defibullator. I am revived on the third and final paddle shock and the paramedics race me to a waiting helicopter ready for a flight to a hospital about fifty miles away. I am diagnosed with heart failure and a pacemaker/defibrillator is implanted in my chest.

Again in August 2004, I lived through a second near death experience. My defibrillator, implanted after my first event, has a data recording this second event. Although I am clinically dead for under a minute, this time I knew what had happening, I am there again, somewhere between life and death but this time I am ready with a list of questions and receive a vast amount of information. I remember my brain racing like wild fire during a session of questions and answers. The remarkable thing is the swiftness of each question and answer. In my mind each question and answer take only a few seconds, and the answers are so incredibly simple. I do not know whom I was in contact, but it feel like a friend I have known and loved for a long time. My mind racing, I knew I had to stop thinking this fast or it could kill me. Then the defibrillator fires and I am awakened alone in the parking lot of a Richmond, Virginia apartment complex.

I remember a few of the question and answers but not all. I do not want to force the information as I am unsure and do not want to unknowingly make up something that really is not a part of the experience. I hope they will eventually come forward in my memory or I might relive them in my dreams.

I cannot be one hundred percent certain, but I believe much of what is in this blog was told to me or was inspired by my experience. In any case, answers do exist and I believe if you extend yourself, you have access to that knowledge also. I call it Freeway5.

 

Steven Marek
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